Let's Get Through It Together

Let's Get Through It Together - Month Eight

My boyfriend and I have been going out for six months and he wants to go further in the relationship than I do. He told me that if I don’t make up my mind soon, I might lose him forever. I don’t want to lose him, but I’m only 14. I think I’m a little too young to have sex. Can you help me?

Number one, don’t get pressured into doing something you’re not comfortable doing. Try sitting down and talking to him about your beliefs. If he won’t let up and you’re still feeling pressured, find someone you feel comfortable talking with about the whole situation -- maybe your parents or a counselor at school. But most of all, don’t worry about losing him forever -- if he does leave you because you won’t have sex with him, I promise you, he wasn’t worth having as a boyfriend anyhow. Good luck.

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I’m a 14-year-old girl who goes to a very hard school. No matter how hard I study, I never seem to get the marks I deserve. I do have help from my parents and tutors. I love my school and don’t want to change, but I also want to get good grades so I can go to a decent college. Do you have any suggestions?

All the tutors in the world won’t help you discover what your teachers want from you if you don’t ask your teachers directly. Talk to them about the extensive help you get and how much you care about decent grades and a promising future. If they’re understanding, they’ll explain ways you might improve. Remember, too, that colleges look at more than just grades. Involvement in an outside activity -- like band, a sports team or a charity organization -- shows your talents in other areas besides school!

My boyfriend and I don’t kiss and hug as much as my friends do with their boyfriends. Is there something wrong with us?

Absolutely not. As long as you and your boyfriend are happy together, don’t ever base what you are doing on what other people are doing! Take your time, and if anyone comments about it, don’t let that reflect any negativity on your relationship.

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I’m in eighth grade and I’m terrified to ride my bus! A seventh grader who also rides it wants to beat me up. I’ve never gotten in a fight before, and she’s bigger than me! My family and friends say I should defend myself and fight her. What should I do?

There are other ways to handle this situation besides fighting. It’s been a long time since your parents were your age, and your friends may just be egging you on because they want to see a fight. I’d ask a friend or two to ride the bus with you, as long as they don’t leave you alone when you need their help. Keep in mind, too, that most bullies are just trying to make themselves feel better about themselves by picking on other people. It may sound dumb, but maybe you could try talking to her to see why she has it out for you. If all else fails, ask your mom or dad to drive you to school!

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One side of my face is smaller than the other. I am sometimes embarrassed because people make comments about it. They say if my face were even, I’d be prettier. I just don’t know what to do about it or what to say to them!

Kids can be so cruel! Try to totally disregard these people’s comments. In fact, the people making these remarks are probably self-conscious about their own looks. Personality is your key weapon! If you can manage to come back with snappy remarks to their lame comments, you may be able to discourage them. Remember, stay strong!

My dad left when I was a baby. Now I’m 15 and really want to know what he’s like. My grandpa offered to help me locate my dad, but I’m scared. I don’t know if my mom will approve or if my dad will hate me when I finally meet him. Please help!

The first thing you should do is tell your mom you want to meet your dad. She might be able to satisfy your curiosity by telling you what he was like when she knew him and whether she thinks he’d be up for a reunion. I really don’t think you should have any expectations from your dad, though. He could be a nice guy, a terrible one, or somewhere in-between. And whether he likes you or not, you’re still a valuable person! Are you hoping meeting him will change things in your life you’re not happy with? If so, work on making yourself feel better first before seeking a relationship with him. Hope things work out for you!

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My best friend and I are 15. She has had a rough life -- her parents are divorced and her mom's boyfriend abuses her mentally and physically. Now, she has started taking drugs and is threatening to commit suicide. I didn't think she was serious about it at first, but now I know she is because she keeps her boyfriend's gun in her room. I don't have the strength to deal with this on my own!

Amy A.
Quebec, Canada

I'm so glad you wrote, because it shows how much you care about your friend. I don't want you to think I'm copping out, but this is so serious, you need to talk about it with someone besides me -- your parents or a trusted adult (teacher, minister, principal, councilor) RIGHT THIS SECOND. If there's absolutely nobody you can confide in, try finding a suicide hotline number she can call. Look in the yellow pages under "Suicide" or "Hotlines" or call one of the 800 numbers listed below. Keep telling her how special she is and how much you care about her. And encourage her to get help, fast!