Let's Get Through It Together - Month Eleven
I really like this guy in class, and we’re sort of friends, but when he found out I liked him, he stopped talking to me. Now he won’t even look at me. What should I do?
in the same situation, Alison. You know, you could try reverse psychology...try
going out with another guy, and then ask guy #1 to go on a double date
with you and this second guy, which might make guy #1 pretty jealous.
Or if that’s not an option for you, why not write this guy a letter
telling him how you feel? It may not change his actions, but at least
you’ll know you did all you could. If he doesn’t like you
in the same way, believe me, we’ve all been there.
Depending on their age, you probably can’t expect guys to be too understanding. No offense to males reading this, but a lot of teenage guys just look for surface qualities in a girl, not the things that really matter. You might have to go out of your way, even overboard, to gain their attention and win their affection. Invite them over to your house, to parties or picnics or walks in the park. The main thing, though: the less you worry about it, the less they’ll probably notice. And guys do grow up eventually.
My parents are divorced and have a lot of problems. I’ve read what a great relationship you have with your parents -- you’re really lucky. My mom beats me. I try to stay away from her, but it doesn’t help much. I run to my father’s house but he’s not much better. I have a lot of scars, and I’m really scared.
First of all, the most important
thing for you to realize is that YOU DON’T DESERVE TO BE BEATEN.
Nobody does. It sounds like there aren’t too many people in your
family you can turn to for help, but maybe a teacher or a counselor
at school can assist you here. In any case, I really, really, really
urge you -- and anybody else in this situation -- to pick up the phone
and call the abuse hotline on these pages. PLEASE. It won’t hurt
to talk with someone who deals with this all the time. I’m sure
you love your parents, but you have to love yourself first! It isn’t
a matter of “telling” on your parents either -- it comes
down to taking care of yourself when no one else will. Your being abused
can’t, and shouldn’t, continue. PLEASE get help as soon
Alicea, there’s nothing
wrong with having friends of different races, no matter what your dad
says. It’s good for you to stay strong in your feelings for your
friend. If your father protests this situation that much, try visiting
HER house more often. That way, you’d avoid a confrontation between
your dad, your friend and you, and it would give your dad a chance to
cool down. But whatever you do, don’t let the whole situation
interfere with your friendship.
I know it’s tough standing out in a crowd, but there are ways to turn your height to your advantage. How about joining the school basketball, track or volleyball team? This way, you can gain coordination and, at the same time, earn the respect of your shorter classmates. They’ll be cheering you on instead of teasing you. And you know, as you get older and guys catch up to your height, it won’t matter anymore. And remember, most models are really tall, so being six feet isn’t exactly unattractive.
First, I hope you’ve contacted his parents. If your intention is not to hook back up with him, then at least try to find him for financial backing. There are two things you can do -- give the baby up for adoption or raise it yourself. Some of the questions you should be asking yourself are: can I support this child with my boyfriend’s or parents’ help? Will I be able to finish school, get a job and be able to take care of myself and my baby? Am I responsible and emotionally stable enough to be a mother? Am I ready to stop being a kid and become a parent for the rest of my life? If you can’t answer yes to these, then you may want to consider adoption. It would be a very good idea to get counseling (schools usually provide both counselors and home teachers for pregnant teens) during your pregnancy to help you with these tough questions. But whatever decisions you make, decide on YOUR OWN to determine the future of this situation. Your family and friends won’t still be deciding for you 18 years from now, when you’re still supporting your child. Good luck!
There are a lot of questions that need answering before you can act on solving your problem. First of all, did your boyfriend’s father give him any reason why he wanted the two of you to break up? It might be a good idea to get to know his father better and discuss why he doesn’t want you together. He may want to keep you away from his son because he’s unsure of who you are and what you’re like. If you already know this man well, then you should have a conversation with him about your feelings for his son and why you think you should be together. Now remember to act the adult while talking to him -- no being defensive, getting all upset and losing your cool! The only way the discussion will go well is if you show him you are a reasonable person. It may not be easy, but if you really care for your (ex)boyfriend, you may be able to work something out. Let me know how it goes.
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