Let's Get Through It Together - Month Ten
Help! My best friend was best friends with three other girls who recently told her they don’t like her anymore. They asked me to take her place in their group, but she’s asked me to be friends just with her. I really want to say yes to the other girls (I’ve known them for a long time),but I don’t want to hurt my best friend’s feelings. Can you help me decide?
back and look at your situation objectively! You have three other girls
who choose temporary friends to benefit their own needs and their clique.
No offense toward your relationship with these girls, but they USE PEOPLE!
Your best friend needs you now, not just as a friend, but as someone
to talk to about this group rejecting her. Be there for someone who’ll
be there for you -- not for a group of people who will just trade you
off the next time someone “better” comes along!
Boy, Jeanne, I
can totally relate to this problem! My parents were just like this when
I was 13. Try what I did. I introduced my parents to my friends so that
they’d feel comfortable around them. I also talked with them about
what the parties I wanted to go to were like. Another good idea is suggesting
that your folks call the parents of the kid who is throwing the party
and get the details from them. This should put your parents’ minds
more at ease. One thing I’ve learned is that our parents are just
afraid of what might happen to us. You have to help them not be afraid.
Mainly, you have to show your parents that you are not a little kid
anymore and that you can be responsible and trusted. It’s a step-by-step
process that involves a lot of give-and-take between you and your parents.
I’m sorry to tell you this problem will just take time to resolve.
I’ve found that every year it gets easier!
Well, you know
me, I think talking things out is the best medicine! First, have a pow-wow
with your pal -- you have to find out for sure if she’s still
hooked on your boyfriend. You may be worried about nothing! But if she’s
not over him, Then you have to tell her exactly what he means to you
and discuss how your relationship with him will affect the friendship
between the two of you. I’d guess that a good friend wouldn’t
stand in the way of you and true love and she’ll probably understand.
But if she doesn’t, then you have to make that totally tough decision
-- him or her! Weigh which relationship means more to you and get to
it. Hope it all works out for the best!
Whew! Sounds like
a huge misunderstanding to me! When people move away (especially 1,000
miles away!) keeping in touch is touchy. It’s easy to see how
your friend would take it personally -- she probably thinks you’ve
totally forgotten about her with new friends. Don’t give up yet!
Write her a really nice apology (telling her how much her friendship
means to you) on a postcard so she can’t send it back without
reading what you have to say first. Hopefully, she won’t pursue
that gung-ho negative attitude and will want to continue your friendship.
But if not, I’d say you’ll just have to let her go and get
on with your life in Florida.
Picking and keeping friends in school is very difficult, to say the least! What you have to do is get your values straight here. Who is more important to you -- so-called “friends” who are completely caught up in the popularity game, or someone who likes you because of who you are? Keep in mind that your old pals haven’t been all that worried about hurting your feelings. You also need to ask yourself, “Who do my buds think they are, judging my new friend?” My suggestion is to decide for yourself if they are worth the obligation of explaining anyone new you want to hang out with. Also, have you tried talking to them honestly about your feelings? Maybe if they gave your “nerdy” friend a chance, they might actually come to like her. After all, you like her, your “friends” like you, so maybe they’ll like her as well! Good luck!
There are a lot of questions that need answering before you can act on solving your problem. First of all, did your boyfriend’s father give him any reason why he wanted the two of you to break up? It might be a good idea to get to know his father better and discuss why he doesn’t want you together. He may want to keep you away from his son because he’s unsure of who you are and what you’re like. If you already know this man well, then you should have a conversation with him about your feelings for his son and why you think you should be together. Now remember to act the adult while talking to him -- no being defensive, getting all upset and losing your cool! The only way the discussion will go well is if you show him you are a reasonable person. It may not be easy, but if you really care for your (ex)boyfriend, you may be able to work something out. Let me know how it goes.
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